You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
