Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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