AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I understand Curling. That high.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
