if you like me you must not know who I am
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
