I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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