Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
