Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
