I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
