Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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