shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
