I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
