you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
