I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
