I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
