woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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