Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
