what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just google imaged poop.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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