one might say we're banned from that church
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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