I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
