Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
