Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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