someone get that fucking seahorse.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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