I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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