Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
