For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
