How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
