Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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