I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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