to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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