the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
