My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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