she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
