dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
