Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize