I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
