Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
