tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
