Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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