Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
