wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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