Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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