i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
His nipple licking is glorious
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