matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize