Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
