I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
