Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
