my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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