Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
