You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she peed on how many people?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
