And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
