when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
