he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
