Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You are the jesus of drinking
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize