after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
