lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
