If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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