Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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