I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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