You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
