evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
