After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
