i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
