Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
