Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
what day is it and did you see me today?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
